Moms, if you’ve ever lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or other reasons?
When is the last time you cried for that child?
I miscarried in April 2007 and ever since my daughter was born I’ve had a hard time and have been suppressing some serious depression about it. I cried for two hours with my husband last night finally. Is it normal to still feel that way even after over a year has passed?
The baby I lost would be one year old on our upcoming wedding anniversary, November 20.
Mozz: Unfortunately there have been times that I have isolated myself from my family and actually last night I did sit in my closet for a good hour by myself. I don’t know why but it’s just been particularly hard this last week. I look at the one ultra sound picture I have and the letter I wrote to her (I wanted a girl). In my letter I wrote that I imagine her with beautiful blue eyes and raven hair….all of which my beautiful Riley has. Something just broke inside of me.
“expert” mom: what the….I blocked you! And your answer is horrible…reported.
13 Responses to “Moms, if you’ve ever lost a child due to miscarriage, stillbirth or other reasons?”
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August 27th, 2011 at 5:22 am
M sis ter had one over 2 years ago and she till crys i had one 6 months ago and i still cry about it too. Its hard to get over that
August 27th, 2011 at 6:03 am
I have miscarried four times. I was pretty upset about one of them and cried for days,but I also got pregnant right away. I guess if I never got pregnant again, I would still be pretty upset. It is a death, either way, and everyone greinves their own way. I thinkgrievesu miscarry it is a little harder because people don’t really understand the sense of loss that you feel, because there was nothing “material” taken from you. I guess as with any death, time makes it easier. If you still dont’ feel better, maybe you should get some greif counseling.
August 27th, 2011 at 6:06 am
when i think of my multiple miscarriages i get teary eyed. i just recently lost my 2 1/2 year old in a custody battle. it hurts bad i have a hard time looking at pictures of him without crying
August 27th, 2011 at 7:00 am
I lost a child in childbirth in 1987. No children since then, no children at all. I had a hard time being around babies for two years, then it gradually lessened. But every year on the day he died I remember. Even if I’m not thinking about it, something inside tells me.
August 27th, 2011 at 7:09 am
Yes, it is PERFECTLY normal! I had a stillborn at 26 weeks, and 2 other early term miscarriages. Although I have 4 kids now, I know there are always those 3 babies missing in our family and it is really tough. I still remember the days I lost the others very VERY vividly. I still cry about it sometimes, but not as often. If your depression continues to bother you, talk to your doctor. After my son was stillborn, I went on Zoloft RIGHT AWAY, to combat depression. It was truly amazing how much it helped me cope. It took about 2 weeks to kick in, but after that I felt much MUCH better. I took it for about 10 months, and was able to go off it after that. Maybe you should try something like that, just to get you over this hump. And, you must know you are not alone! Ask your OB/GYN about support groups, or visit a miscarriage support group chat room or something. Talking about it and knowing you are not alone are really 2 key components of dealing with this loss. I’m sorry you have had to experience this, it is really tough, i know! God bless, and I hope this helps!
August 27th, 2011 at 8:06 am
My first daughter, Aaliyah. Stillborn at 22 weeks.
Last night in fact. Watching house, series 2 a child died after a mother tried to smother him. I burst into tears and couldn’t watch.
You have lost a child, there is no way to describe that pain. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way. It’s one of the most traumatic things anyone can go through.
She’d be 2 1/2 now, 11th February.
I still cry. I still think of her.
Counselors helped me so much. I learnt how to deal with it as best i could, especially with my daughter Medea..
-hugs- Good luck. My sympathies.
August 27th, 2011 at 8:59 am
Yes it is. I had two miscarriages this year and it broke my heart!! maybe you need to go and talk to someone they help a lot!! It hurts and its hard. I ahve learned to cope. I keep telling myself and forgive me if I am getting to religious on you but if its meant to be it will happen. I have to keep telling myself that but it still hurts I have had a total of 3 miscarriages. My first was 3 and half years ago and it still bothers me!! I think it always will but things will be ok you area woman and strong. go talk to a Dr. and maybe they can help more!! I am sorry for your loses. You and your family are in our prayers!!
August 27th, 2011 at 9:45 am
Last time I cried about it was the night of Sept.10th.
Ours happened Jan.07, 6 weeks before concieving our almost 10 month old son. I handled it really well, once I was pregnant with him. That 6 weeks before concieving him was the worst. I just cried and ate…put on 20 lbs in that 6 weeks, and was just a mess. Once we got the ok from my doctor, and she helped time my ovulation, and we got pregnant with our son…something just gradually changed. I started adjusting, and doing a lot better.
The baby would have been due on my husbands birthday Sept.11th. So that day, and the day it happened still make me a little sad. I got it all out the night before though, I didn’t want to be a wreck for his B-day. I think it’s effected him more than me. He was upset for quite a while, and hasn’t really talked about it much in quite a few months.
It’s just one of those things…I don’t think the what if part will ever go away, but for us, having our son so quickly afterward has made it a lot easier. Now when this baby gets here, I’m sure we will think about it less and less over time. It’s deffinately a very strange, surreal feeling when the thoughts do come though.
August 27th, 2011 at 10:17 am
I had an eight month old baby that died. I almost went out of my mind. He would be 15 now and I still think about him. You need time to grieve. There are support groups for people who have had miscarriages or lost a child. They are free, I would suggest you take one because, death isn’t something you get over, it’s something you just learn to live with.
August 27th, 2011 at 10:51 am
I don’t cry anymore, but I think about her (him?) here and there. Especially on her due date.
If you’re asking if it’s wrong for you to still cry, I dont think so. Unless you’re locking yourself in your room, obsessing over her/his death, or refusing to participate in your family. Everyone grieves differently. It’s good you still shed tears for that baby. If you don’t who will? She/he deserves to be remembered.
Is two hours too long? If you’re crying for two hours every night and are worried about depression, maybe talk to your PCP about next steps. But to melt down once is nothing more than a build up of emotions and love you haven’t been able to express before now.
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I’m so sorry belle. Hang in there, you have friends, and your husband. Make an appt w/ your PC for a check-in. There was a time in my life I thought I was having a nervous breakdown. I kept it to myself, I thought it meant I was a terrible mother. When I finally went to the PCP, he urged me to start taking a simple prescription. No way I said, that’s confirmingI have a problem – attesting to being a failure! People will sneer at me. But that’s not true at all. It was a simple solution to something I thought was hopeless. I took it for about six months. So maybe there’s a simple solution for you, make the appt. It may seem like a waste of time, but remember, you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, that’s part of the initial problem. The light is there, you just need a map.
August 27th, 2011 at 11:45 am
I had a miscarriage. The last time i cried was my sons b-day (Aug 28th) My son was born a year to the day i lost my first baby. Wonderful and sad at the same time.
Sorry about your loss. You will never forget, the pain will heal but you will still somewhat hurt.
August 27th, 2011 at 12:36 pm
I think I am still in shock over my miscarriage. It was only 8 weeks ago yesterday and I was 9 weeks along. It was horrible to think everything was fine only to go in for an ultrasound and find out the baby has no heartbeat. I think about how far along I would be now and that I would be showing. Plus we wanted a son so badly. I just hang on to the hope that I can conceive again and we’ll get our little boy. I feel guilty sometimes for not crying, but I have been through so much I get numb when bad things happen. Like I have no more tears anymore. I have put on 10 pounds in the last 8 weeks from depression. Its very hard, but everything heals with time Ive heard.
August 27th, 2011 at 1:26 pm
Move past it. It was over a year ago and it was probably not a viable fetus anyhow. Besides, life begins at first breath. That’s just the way nature works sometimes.